Life is a beautiful journey... even for Docs!
While watching the July 4th fireworks, I felt a strange sense of joy and exhilaration… like a kid!
I am a huge fan of history. I couldn't help but wonder if the founders of the Nation ever thought that someday this would be a great nation, an epitome of opportunity.
It is more likely that they were fighting for freedom to live their lives as they desired and ensure that the same opportunity was available to their children. After all, what is the meaning of life if you are not free.
My kids, much like most other citizens of the nation, grew up in a free World. They do not know any other way. However, I have traveled to many nations and lived among people from various cultures. Freedom, a quintessential ingredient in our lives, is not freely available for all.
Perhaps it is the appreciation for the freedom and the opportunities made available to me that has been the driving force all my life. That is probably the reason that I found myself wide awake at 4 am even when I was a child.
In elementary school, I woke up before dawn to be able to finish my homework. Growing up in a family of six kids, space can be scarce. I setup a "mobile office" in the pantry as that was the only place where I could turn on the light and not have to hear any curse words from others who were sleeping. Later, in high school, I had my own desk and woke up at 4 am each morning, as I was busy figuring out a way to "change the world". One year at MIT abroad offered access to the world of computing that was going to help change the world. It was very hard to stay awake during the lectures though. I managed to get good grades, but couldn't fathom spending the rest of my life in front of a screen. This extraordinary career was clearly not my calling. A full scholarship to a top notch medical school came as a salvation. However, the next ten years felt like living in space; it was always 4 am. Time ceased to matter. I find it humorous now, but I would challenge myself to find my way through the infinite corridors of the Mayo Clinic with my eyes closed. After all, I didn't simply work there, I lived there!
For better or worse, working as a Physician is not the same as being a lawyer, engineer, actor or any other profession that I can think of. You may think that you are merely using science and technology to help fix a malady. However, some strange things tend to keep happening and over time you get used to them. In fact, you start to expect a positive reaction. In the computing world, it would be equivalent to repairing a computer for a fee; however, the computer gives you a flying kiss on its way out!
In my opinion, Docs have access to patients in ways that is unlike any other profession. Patients share with doctors what they sometimes are reluctant to share even with their closest relatives and friends. Often you are privy to more information than you seek.
However, along the way, some strange things happen. You get a note saying I feel better about my life
. Another patient whispers in your ears if you find that you can't fix my leg, could you cut it off for me
. An old lady who lived with an ulcer in her legs for many years now screens everyone’s legs at her church and brings them in for consultation. She sits proudly throughout the consultation like a mother who is helping a lost soul. An air traffic controller stops by to pick up brochures for those whom he has identified as potential patients. Last week I received a message from a patient. When I called her, she stated that she read the newsletter and suggested that I write more frequently. When was the last time that I called my dentist or accountant unless there was a need? So here I am writing my first blog article.
Experiences like these add over the years and could easily turn into a book if I decided to write them down. Then why is it that I felt a sinking feeling when I first learned about my kids wanting to be doctors (when they are not mermaids or marine biologists that is!). Why is there such a high burnout rate among Physicians? Why have so many Physicians quit practicing altogether? One of my acquaintances who is a Psychologist commented that he has never seen as many doctors seek counseling as he has in the last few years.
To all those miserable souls who devoted the best years of their lives in learning and healing others, I would like to say that life is a journey, not a destination. We have the power to change the course. We were told that we are "cream of the crop" and we excelled at practically everything that life brought our way. We (at least some of us including me) just forgot to live.
I do not know when my younger daughter learned to crawl, walk or talk. It seems like she was a chatterbox from birth but the truth is that I was never home to witness her journey. She conveniently found an imaginary friend whose name, age, origin all sound like mine and he appears whenever she wants him to. Imagine my surprise that I received a custom made house (Glad Trash Bag box) equipped with its own lighting (a flashlight attached to it) so that I could put my most precious items safely in it. Little does she realize that there is nothing more precious for me than her, and I regret all those years that I spent largely absent from home.
Someone said that While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.
I continue to believe that the practice of medicine can be a fulfilling career. I feel grateful for such a fulfilling profession, a beautiful family and the freedom to share my thoughts that I know will change the world for the better even if it has a small positive impact on just a few lives. I believe that my kids will find a fulfilling career in medicine if they chose to become doctors someday. Life can be a beautiful journey even for us Docs.
Finally, a patient whom I saw recently deserves mentioning as well. This pleasant woman has lived with severe pain and debilitating cramps in her legs for a very long time. Until the last few moments of her treatment with us, she cautiously but repetitively expressed her optimism of being able to live without the excruciating pain in her legs. She returned for a follow-up after her recent treatment and when I entered the examination room to see her, her first words were “You are God.” She can now enjoy both her legs and her life.